Pain of Rejection: The Affective Image and Dynamics of Marital Infidelity

Abstract

Adult interpersonal relationships are the space, where we can identify and verbalize all aspects of our psychic structure, which we couldn’t recognize when we were children in our family systems. Later, in adult relationships, this space is opened again, relationships become more complex and more demanding. Affects and their communication is a key factor for maintaining a balance between connection and intimacy and for maintaining a balance between autonomy and independence. Through expression and recognition of affects we can find out, when we can come closer to other, when we wish closeness or when we need autonomy. When this capacity of recognition, feeling and speaking of basic needs and affects is truncated, these affects will occur in behavior, which will bring out fear and anxiety. What we can’t express in words will be expressed in behavior. — In our article we will follow the affective dynamics of married couple with extramarital relationships, which were a regulator of sadness in absence of affects of fear and shame. We will follow the dynamics of affect circulation and the appearance of affect which changes this circulation. One of the most frequent causes of extramarital affairs is inability of mourning, that is inability of saying good bye and to confront with pain of rejection, which was experienced in one’s family. Through the process of therapy we can follow remodeling of affect, which is seen in change of emotional pattern between partners, which with therapist’s help become able to recognize that sides of interpersonal relationship, which dictated their painful interpersonal conflicts. The duty of the stherapist in this process was to help to recognize the influences and power of affect in their relationship and through that enable them to maintain emotionally more colorful relationship without extramarital affairs.